Life's Tough Times

Sometimes life just falls into place wonderfully on it's own...but other times it seems to hit major road bumps.

Brian and I though 2011 was totally going to be our year as so many exciting things had been happening lately. We sold the house at the very end of 2010, easily found a nice clean house to rent, Brian landed the police job he had been waiting months for, and we found out we were expecting our second child.

The rental is still nice and clean and Brian really loves his new job. We've also learned that we can choose where we want to live.

This week we were also run over by a pretty tough road bump. At our first OB appointment, 12 weeks, the doctor was not able to find a heart beat using his doppler radar system. This alarmed all of us and thus we then had to head over to the hospital for an ultrasound. It quickly became apparent that we had lost our baby.

We were shocked to say the least. We thought we were in the clear as far as having a miscarriage goes and had told just about everyone we see day to day. I was already in a lot of maternity clothes and had a baby belly. (one of the hardest things was packing up all of those clothes that I had been looking forward to growing into)

The doctors all explain that it's nothing we did or could have done...natures way of making sure only the strongest babies are born. It sounds nice coming from a doctor...but it's not what we wanted to hear. I want answers, explanations, promises that it won't happen again. Of course this is unrealistic...but would be reassuring!

Now that everything is said and done...physically....I know that it will take quite awhile to be okay with it mentally. I hope that in the future we will be able to conceive again ,without assistance from doctors, have a healthy baby, and can reflect on this hard time as a time that brought our family closer together.